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March 2020

co-dependency
March 28, 2020March 29, 2020  by Radhika Cruz

Breaking Free of Co-dependency

Codependency in its simplest definition is when one person in a relationship has an excessive psychological reliance on their partner to make him/her feel happy, loved, accepted, valued and good about themselves.

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in Emotional Well-being / Faith & Spirituality / Personal Well-being / self-acceptance 0 comments
Opportunities in Crisis
March 28, 2020March 28, 2020  by Radhika Cruz

Crisis Creates Opportunities

Crisis always provides an invitation for us to grow, innovate, create, change and elevate ourselves. We can choose to Pivot or Panic, Grow or Grieve, Hope or Despair. But do we always choose to maximize these opportunities in crisis?

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in Uncategorized 0 comments

Blog Posts

Cabbage Patch Wars and the True Meaning of Christmas Dec 21st, 2024
sunset
Breaking Free: How to Rewrite the Self-Stories That Keep You Stuck Nov 21st, 2024
Discover your purpose
Your Purpose is NOT a destination. Jun 21st, 2021
one drop rule
Just a mixed girl living in a one-drop world. Jun 12th, 2021

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Recent Posts

Cabbage Patch Wars and the True Meaning of Christmas Dec 21st, 2024
sunset
Breaking Free: How to Rewrite the Self-Stories That Keep You Stuck Nov 21st, 2024
Discover your purpose
Your Purpose is NOT a destination. Jun 21st, 2021
one drop rule
Just a mixed girl living in a one-drop world. Jun 12th, 2021

Instagram

This past May, while hiking in Yosemite, I noticed this flower blooming quietly among dry grasses and rugged landscape. 
It seemed almost out of place, so delicate and beautiful against such an unforgiving backdrop.

I didn’t know what kind of flower it was then, but I’ve since learned it’s a Mariposa, or Butterfly Lily, a flower associated with transformation, change, and emergence.

But looking at this picture again months later, I find myself thinking less about transformation and more about resilience.
👀 Look where this flower chose to bloom!!

It wasn’t surrounded by lush greenery or growing in a carefully tended garden. It stood almost alone among dry grasses and rugged terrain.

As a bereaved mother, GRIEF can be a harsh emotional landscape to grow in too. It can feel dry, barren, lonely, and unfamiliar, leaving your heart reduced to ashes, with only longing, heartbreak, and pain.

And yet, even there, something beautiful can still spring forth. 

Sorrow does not have the power to prevent beauty from growing.

This flower also reminded me that flowers are beautiful precisely because they are temporary. They bloom, flourish, and eventually wither.

A life can be like that, too.

The length of a life does not determine the measure of its beauty.
A child can live 27 years LIKE MY @colouremedy or 77 and the brevity of that life does not diminish the beauty of what was lived, loved, created, and given.

But a life being shorter than we wanted does not make it less meaningful. A short life can leave a lasting beauty.

We don’t measure a flower’s beauty by how long it remained in bloom. We remember that it bloomed.

Maybe we can learn to see a life that way, too…not only through the painful measure of the years lost, but through the immeasurable beauty of the years given.
The laughter.
The creativity.
The adventures.
The love.
The memories.
The lives touched.
The beauty left behind.
Beauty is not the absence of sorrow. 
Sometimes, beauty is what quietly emerges in the midst of it.
Just like this flower.🌸🌼
•
Follow
This past May, while hiking in Yosemite, I noticed this flower blooming quietly among dry grasses and rugged landscape. It seemed almost out of place, so delicate and beautiful against such an unforgiving backdrop. I didn’t know what kind of flower it was then, but I’ve since learned it’s a Mariposa, or Butterfly Lily, a flower associated with transformation, change, and emergence. But looking at this picture again months later, I find myself thinking less about transformation and more about resilience. 👀 Look where this flower chose to bloom!! It wasn’t surrounded by lush greenery or growing in a carefully tended garden. It stood almost alone among dry grasses and rugged terrain. As a bereaved mother, GRIEF can be a harsh emotional landscape to grow in too. It can feel dry, barren, lonely, and unfamiliar, leaving your heart reduced to ashes, with only longing, heartbreak, and pain. And yet, even there, something beautiful can still spring forth. Sorrow does not have the power to prevent beauty from growing. This flower also reminded me that flowers are beautiful precisely because they are temporary. They bloom, flourish, and eventually wither. A life can be like that, too. The length of a life does not determine the measure of its beauty. A child can live 27 years LIKE MY @colouremedy or 77 and the brevity of that life does not diminish the beauty of what was lived, loved, created, and given. But a life being shorter than we wanted does not make it less meaningful. A short life can leave a lasting beauty. We don’t measure a flower’s beauty by how long it remained in bloom. We remember that it bloomed. Maybe we can learn to see a life that way, too…not only through the painful measure of the years lost, but through the immeasurable beauty of the years given. The laughter. The creativity. The adventures. The love. The memories. The lives touched. The beauty left behind. Beauty is not the absence of sorrow. Sometimes, beauty is what quietly emerges in the midst of it. Just like this flower.🌸🌼
2 weeks ago
View on Instagram |
1/4
Sharing a special edition of my devotional (pic 2)
This new cover uses Janae Cruz’s illustration. (Pic 1)
You can grab yours at Amazon. Or not. 

When I found this illustration after she died, 
I knew I wanted to use it as my new book cover. 
It’s one small way to honor her life 
and share her work with whoever would enjoy it. 

I guess this is a posthumous mother-daughter collaboration. And I absolutely LOVE it💛
In memory of you Janae.. my sweet daughter 

Shout out to my hubby John Cruz 
who designed the new book cover.

This is not about profit for me. Or a side hustle. 
It’s about glorifying God and helping others. AND….
I believe it will change your life because it’s God’s word.
All you gotta do is open your heart to His word.

To purchase: see link in bio

🎯NOTE: CONTENT IS THE SAME. JUST NEW BOOK COVER📕
Sharing a special edition of my devotional (pic 2)
This new cover uses Janae Cruz’s illustration. (Pic 1)
You can grab yours at Amazon. Or not. 

When I found this illustration after she died, 
I knew I wanted to use it as my new book cover. 
It’s one small way to honor her life 
and share her work with whoever would enjoy it. 

I guess this is a posthumous mother-daughter collaboration. And I absolutely LOVE it💛
In memory of you Janae.. my sweet daughter 

Shout out to my hubby John Cruz 
who designed the new book cover.

This is not about profit for me. Or a side hustle. 
It’s about glorifying God and helping others. AND….
I believe it will change your life because it’s God’s word.
All you gotta do is open your heart to His word.

To purchase: see link in bio

🎯NOTE: CONTENT IS THE SAME. JUST NEW BOOK COVER📕
•
Follow
Sharing a special edition of my devotional (pic 2) This new cover uses Janae Cruz’s illustration. (Pic 1) You can grab yours at Amazon. Or not. When I found this illustration after she died, I knew I wanted to use it as my new book cover. It’s one small way to honor her life and share her work with whoever would enjoy it. I guess this is a posthumous mother-daughter collaboration. And I absolutely LOVE it💛 In memory of you Janae.. my sweet daughter Shout out to my hubby John Cruz who designed the new book cover. This is not about profit for me. Or a side hustle. It’s about glorifying God and helping others. AND…. I believe it will change your life because it’s God’s word. All you gotta do is open your heart to His word. To purchase: see link in bio 🎯NOTE: CONTENT IS THE SAME. JUST NEW BOOK COVER📕
2 weeks ago
View on Instagram |
2/4
Day 365 of Mourning
I wanted to come on here in video form and share an update on how I’m doing on this one-year milestone of separation from Janae—but after 20 minutes of recording, I realized the video didn’t save. LOL. 😩

Did you know you can acknowledge a painful reality without dwelling on it or overindulging in it?
That’s what I’m choosing to do.
Not dismiss it.
Not minimize it.
Not pretend it didn’t happen.
Not forget.
Not dwell on it.

Today, I’m choosing to acknowledge life as it is—not as I wish it were—while also choosing to live fully in the present, in the here and now, with those who are here with me now.

So here’s the Cliff Notes version of what I tried to record for y’all:This past year has taught me that life will not always ascend.
There will be valleys—loss, disappointment, sickness, and pain.
I’ve heard it said that our suffering is often intensified by our expectation that life should be free from suffering. We become disillusioned, believing pain will never show up on our doorstep.
But we are not exempt from pain, trouble, or suffering.
And while I wouldn’t have chosen this valley, I’m learning that God doesn’t waste our suffering.
It’s not for nothing.
He can use it to deepen our faith, loosen our grip on our illusion of control, and draw us closer to Him.

I don’t have to understand why something painful happened to trust that God is still good.
He may not always rescue us from the fire, but He promises to be with us in it—and to work all things together for our good.
So today, and every day, I’m choosing to live—not just exist.
Not because time has healed my wounds.
But because I still have Jesus.
He is my source of joy.
My strength.
My hope.
And I choose Jesus over everything.
Janae is not in my current season, but I believe she is part of my future—my eternity.

Until that day, I’ll keep living, loving, remembering, and carrying forward her legacy of faith, hope, love, creativity, adventure, whimsy and joy.

Grief has most certainly changed the way I live, but it will NEVER change the reason I live.
“For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”
You don’t have to understand the loss, pain or suffering to trust Him in it.
Day 365 of Mourning
I wanted to come on here in video form and share an update on how I’m doing on this one-year milestone of separation from Janae—but after 20 minutes of recording, I realized the video didn’t save. LOL. 😩

Did you know you can acknowledge a painful reality without dwelling on it or overindulging in it?
That’s what I’m choosing to do.
Not dismiss it.
Not minimize it.
Not pretend it didn’t happen.
Not forget.
Not dwell on it.

Today, I’m choosing to acknowledge life as it is—not as I wish it were—while also choosing to live fully in the present, in the here and now, with those who are here with me now.

So here’s the Cliff Notes version of what I tried to record for y’all:This past year has taught me that life will not always ascend.
There will be valleys—loss, disappointment, sickness, and pain.
I’ve heard it said that our suffering is often intensified by our expectation that life should be free from suffering. We become disillusioned, believing pain will never show up on our doorstep.
But we are not exempt from pain, trouble, or suffering.
And while I wouldn’t have chosen this valley, I’m learning that God doesn’t waste our suffering.
It’s not for nothing.
He can use it to deepen our faith, loosen our grip on our illusion of control, and draw us closer to Him.

I don’t have to understand why something painful happened to trust that God is still good.
He may not always rescue us from the fire, but He promises to be with us in it—and to work all things together for our good.
So today, and every day, I’m choosing to live—not just exist.
Not because time has healed my wounds.
But because I still have Jesus.
He is my source of joy.
My strength.
My hope.
And I choose Jesus over everything.
Janae is not in my current season, but I believe she is part of my future—my eternity.

Until that day, I’ll keep living, loving, remembering, and carrying forward her legacy of faith, hope, love, creativity, adventure, whimsy and joy.

Grief has most certainly changed the way I live, but it will NEVER change the reason I live.
“For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”
You don’t have to understand the loss, pain or suffering to trust Him in it.
Day 365 of Mourning
I wanted to come on here in video form and share an update on how I’m doing on this one-year milestone of separation from Janae—but after 20 minutes of recording, I realized the video didn’t save. LOL. 😩

Did you know you can acknowledge a painful reality without dwelling on it or overindulging in it?
That’s what I’m choosing to do.
Not dismiss it.
Not minimize it.
Not pretend it didn’t happen.
Not forget.
Not dwell on it.

Today, I’m choosing to acknowledge life as it is—not as I wish it were—while also choosing to live fully in the present, in the here and now, with those who are here with me now.

So here’s the Cliff Notes version of what I tried to record for y’all:This past year has taught me that life will not always ascend.
There will be valleys—loss, disappointment, sickness, and pain.
I’ve heard it said that our suffering is often intensified by our expectation that life should be free from suffering. We become disillusioned, believing pain will never show up on our doorstep.
But we are not exempt from pain, trouble, or suffering.
And while I wouldn’t have chosen this valley, I’m learning that God doesn’t waste our suffering.
It’s not for nothing.
He can use it to deepen our faith, loosen our grip on our illusion of control, and draw us closer to Him.

I don’t have to understand why something painful happened to trust that God is still good.
He may not always rescue us from the fire, but He promises to be with us in it—and to work all things together for our good.
So today, and every day, I’m choosing to live—not just exist.
Not because time has healed my wounds.
But because I still have Jesus.
He is my source of joy.
My strength.
My hope.
And I choose Jesus over everything.
Janae is not in my current season, but I believe she is part of my future—my eternity.

Until that day, I’ll keep living, loving, remembering, and carrying forward her legacy of faith, hope, love, creativity, adventure, whimsy and joy.

Grief has most certainly changed the way I live, but it will NEVER change the reason I live.
“For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”
You don’t have to understand the loss, pain or suffering to trust Him in it.
Day 365 of Mourning
I wanted to come on here in video form and share an update on how I’m doing on this one-year milestone of separation from Janae—but after 20 minutes of recording, I realized the video didn’t save. LOL. 😩

Did you know you can acknowledge a painful reality without dwelling on it or overindulging in it?
That’s what I’m choosing to do.
Not dismiss it.
Not minimize it.
Not pretend it didn’t happen.
Not forget.
Not dwell on it.

Today, I’m choosing to acknowledge life as it is—not as I wish it were—while also choosing to live fully in the present, in the here and now, with those who are here with me now.

So here’s the Cliff Notes version of what I tried to record for y’all:This past year has taught me that life will not always ascend.
There will be valleys—loss, disappointment, sickness, and pain.
I’ve heard it said that our suffering is often intensified by our expectation that life should be free from suffering. We become disillusioned, believing pain will never show up on our doorstep.
But we are not exempt from pain, trouble, or suffering.
And while I wouldn’t have chosen this valley, I’m learning that God doesn’t waste our suffering.
It’s not for nothing.
He can use it to deepen our faith, loosen our grip on our illusion of control, and draw us closer to Him.

I don’t have to understand why something painful happened to trust that God is still good.
He may not always rescue us from the fire, but He promises to be with us in it—and to work all things together for our good.
So today, and every day, I’m choosing to live—not just exist.
Not because time has healed my wounds.
But because I still have Jesus.
He is my source of joy.
My strength.
My hope.
And I choose Jesus over everything.
Janae is not in my current season, but I believe she is part of my future—my eternity.

Until that day, I’ll keep living, loving, remembering, and carrying forward her legacy of faith, hope, love, creativity, adventure, whimsy and joy.

Grief has most certainly changed the way I live, but it will NEVER change the reason I live.
“For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”
You don’t have to understand the loss, pain or suffering to trust Him in it.
Day 365 of Mourning
I wanted to come on here in video form and share an update on how I’m doing on this one-year milestone of separation from Janae—but after 20 minutes of recording, I realized the video didn’t save. LOL. 😩

Did you know you can acknowledge a painful reality without dwelling on it or overindulging in it?
That’s what I’m choosing to do.
Not dismiss it.
Not minimize it.
Not pretend it didn’t happen.
Not forget.
Not dwell on it.

Today, I’m choosing to acknowledge life as it is—not as I wish it were—while also choosing to live fully in the present, in the here and now, with those who are here with me now.

So here’s the Cliff Notes version of what I tried to record for y’all:This past year has taught me that life will not always ascend.
There will be valleys—loss, disappointment, sickness, and pain.
I’ve heard it said that our suffering is often intensified by our expectation that life should be free from suffering. We become disillusioned, believing pain will never show up on our doorstep.
But we are not exempt from pain, trouble, or suffering.
And while I wouldn’t have chosen this valley, I’m learning that God doesn’t waste our suffering.
It’s not for nothing.
He can use it to deepen our faith, loosen our grip on our illusion of control, and draw us closer to Him.

I don’t have to understand why something painful happened to trust that God is still good.
He may not always rescue us from the fire, but He promises to be with us in it—and to work all things together for our good.
So today, and every day, I’m choosing to live—not just exist.
Not because time has healed my wounds.
But because I still have Jesus.
He is my source of joy.
My strength.
My hope.
And I choose Jesus over everything.
Janae is not in my current season, but I believe she is part of my future—my eternity.

Until that day, I’ll keep living, loving, remembering, and carrying forward her legacy of faith, hope, love, creativity, adventure, whimsy and joy.

Grief has most certainly changed the way I live, but it will NEVER change the reason I live.
“For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”
You don’t have to understand the loss, pain or suffering to trust Him in it.
Day 365 of Mourning
I wanted to come on here in video form and share an update on how I’m doing on this one-year milestone of separation from Janae—but after 20 minutes of recording, I realized the video didn’t save. LOL. 😩

Did you know you can acknowledge a painful reality without dwelling on it or overindulging in it?
That’s what I’m choosing to do.
Not dismiss it.
Not minimize it.
Not pretend it didn’t happen.
Not forget.
Not dwell on it.

Today, I’m choosing to acknowledge life as it is—not as I wish it were—while also choosing to live fully in the present, in the here and now, with those who are here with me now.

So here’s the Cliff Notes version of what I tried to record for y’all:This past year has taught me that life will not always ascend.
There will be valleys—loss, disappointment, sickness, and pain.
I’ve heard it said that our suffering is often intensified by our expectation that life should be free from suffering. We become disillusioned, believing pain will never show up on our doorstep.
But we are not exempt from pain, trouble, or suffering.
And while I wouldn’t have chosen this valley, I’m learning that God doesn’t waste our suffering.
It’s not for nothing.
He can use it to deepen our faith, loosen our grip on our illusion of control, and draw us closer to Him.

I don’t have to understand why something painful happened to trust that God is still good.
He may not always rescue us from the fire, but He promises to be with us in it—and to work all things together for our good.
So today, and every day, I’m choosing to live—not just exist.
Not because time has healed my wounds.
But because I still have Jesus.
He is my source of joy.
My strength.
My hope.
And I choose Jesus over everything.
Janae is not in my current season, but I believe she is part of my future—my eternity.

Until that day, I’ll keep living, loving, remembering, and carrying forward her legacy of faith, hope, love, creativity, adventure, whimsy and joy.

Grief has most certainly changed the way I live, but it will NEVER change the reason I live.
“For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”
You don’t have to understand the loss, pain or suffering to trust Him in it.
Day 365 of Mourning
I wanted to come on here in video form and share an update on how I’m doing on this one-year milestone of separation from Janae—but after 20 minutes of recording, I realized the video didn’t save. LOL. 😩

Did you know you can acknowledge a painful reality without dwelling on it or overindulging in it?
That’s what I’m choosing to do.
Not dismiss it.
Not minimize it.
Not pretend it didn’t happen.
Not forget.
Not dwell on it.

Today, I’m choosing to acknowledge life as it is—not as I wish it were—while also choosing to live fully in the present, in the here and now, with those who are here with me now.

So here’s the Cliff Notes version of what I tried to record for y’all:This past year has taught me that life will not always ascend.
There will be valleys—loss, disappointment, sickness, and pain.
I’ve heard it said that our suffering is often intensified by our expectation that life should be free from suffering. We become disillusioned, believing pain will never show up on our doorstep.
But we are not exempt from pain, trouble, or suffering.
And while I wouldn’t have chosen this valley, I’m learning that God doesn’t waste our suffering.
It’s not for nothing.
He can use it to deepen our faith, loosen our grip on our illusion of control, and draw us closer to Him.

I don’t have to understand why something painful happened to trust that God is still good.
He may not always rescue us from the fire, but He promises to be with us in it—and to work all things together for our good.
So today, and every day, I’m choosing to live—not just exist.
Not because time has healed my wounds.
But because I still have Jesus.
He is my source of joy.
My strength.
My hope.
And I choose Jesus over everything.
Janae is not in my current season, but I believe she is part of my future—my eternity.

Until that day, I’ll keep living, loving, remembering, and carrying forward her legacy of faith, hope, love, creativity, adventure, whimsy and joy.

Grief has most certainly changed the way I live, but it will NEVER change the reason I live.
“For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”
You don’t have to understand the loss, pain or suffering to trust Him in it.
Day 365 of Mourning I wanted to come on here in video form and share an update on how I’m doing on this one-year milestone of separation from Janae—but after 20 minutes of recording, I realized the video didn’t save. LOL. 😩 Did you know you can acknowledge a painful reality without dwelling on it or overindulging in it? That’s what I’m choosing to do. Not dismiss it. Not minimize it. Not pretend it didn’t happen. Not forget. Not dwell on it. Today, I’m choosing to acknowledge life as it is—not as I wish it were—while also choosing to live fully in the present, in the here and now, with those who are here with me now. So here’s the Cliff Notes version of what I tried to record for y’all:This past year has taught me that life will not always ascend. There will be valleys—loss, disappointment, sickness, and pain. I’ve heard it said that our suffering is often intensified by our expectation that life should be free from suffering. We become disillusioned, believing pain will never show up on our doorstep. But we are not exempt from pain, trouble, or suffering. And while I wouldn’t have chosen this valley, I’m learning that God doesn’t waste our suffering. It’s not for nothing. He can use it to deepen our faith, loosen our grip on our illusion of control, and draw us closer to Him. I don’t have to understand why something painful happened to trust that God is still good. He may not always rescue us from the fire, but He promises to be with us in it—and to work all things together for our good. So today, and every day, I’m choosing to live—not just exist. Not because time has healed my wounds. But because I still have Jesus. He is my source of joy. My strength. My hope. And I choose Jesus over everything. Janae is not in my current season, but I believe she is part of my future—my eternity. Until that day, I’ll keep living, loving, remembering, and carrying forward her legacy of faith, hope, love, creativity, adventure, whimsy and joy. Grief has most certainly changed the way I live, but it will NEVER change the reason I live. “For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” You don’t have to understand the loss, pain or suffering to trust Him in it.
Day 365 of Mourning
I wanted to come on here in video form and share an update on how I’m doing on this one-year milestone of separation from Janae—but after 20 minutes of recording, I realized the video didn’t save. LOL. 😩

Did you know you can acknowledge a painful reality without dwelling on it or overindulging in it?
That’s what I’m choosing to do.
Not dismiss it.
Not minimize it.
Not pretend it didn’t happen.
Not forget.
Not dwell on it.

Today, I’m choosing to acknowledge life as it is—not as I wish it were—while also choosing to live fully in the present, in the here and now, with those who are here with me now.

So here’s the Cliff Notes version of what I tried to record for y’all:This past year has taught me that life will not always ascend.
There will be valleys—loss, disappointment, sickness, and pain.
I’ve heard it said that our suffering is often intensified by our expectation that life should be free from suffering. We become disillusioned, believing pain will never show up on our doorstep.
But we are not exempt from pain, trouble, or suffering.
And while I wouldn’t have chosen this valley, I’m learning that God doesn’t waste our suffering.
It’s not for nothing.
He can use it to deepen our faith, loosen our grip on our illusion of control, and draw us closer to Him.

I don’t have to understand why something painful happened to trust that God is still good.
He may not always rescue us from the fire, but He promises to be with us in it—and to work all things together for our good.
So today, and every day, I’m choosing to live—not just exist.
Not because time has healed my wounds.
But because I still have Jesus.
He is my source of joy.
My strength.
My hope.
And I choose Jesus over everything.
Janae is not in my current season, but I believe she is part of my future—my eternity.

Until that day, I’ll keep living, loving, remembering, and carrying forward her legacy of faith, hope, love, creativity, adventure, whimsy and joy.

Grief has most certainly changed the way I live, but it will NEVER change the reason I live.
“For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”
You don’t have to understand the loss, pain or suffering to trust Him in it.
Day 365 of Mourning
I wanted to come on here in video form and share an update on how I’m doing on this one-year milestone of separation from Janae—but after 20 minutes of recording, I realized the video didn’t save. LOL. 😩

Did you know you can acknowledge a painful reality without dwelling on it or overindulging in it?
That’s what I’m choosing to do.
Not dismiss it.
Not minimize it.
Not pretend it didn’t happen.
Not forget.
Not dwell on it.

Today, I’m choosing to acknowledge life as it is—not as I wish it were—while also choosing to live fully in the present, in the here and now, with those who are here with me now.

So here’s the Cliff Notes version of what I tried to record for y’all:This past year has taught me that life will not always ascend.
There will be valleys—loss, disappointment, sickness, and pain.
I’ve heard it said that our suffering is often intensified by our expectation that life should be free from suffering. We become disillusioned, believing pain will never show up on our doorstep.
But we are not exempt from pain, trouble, or suffering.
And while I wouldn’t have chosen this valley, I’m learning that God doesn’t waste our suffering.
It’s not for nothing.
He can use it to deepen our faith, loosen our grip on our illusion of control, and draw us closer to Him.

I don’t have to understand why something painful happened to trust that God is still good.
He may not always rescue us from the fire, but He promises to be with us in it—and to work all things together for our good.
So today, and every day, I’m choosing to live—not just exist.
Not because time has healed my wounds.
But because I still have Jesus.
He is my source of joy.
My strength.
My hope.
And I choose Jesus over everything.
Janae is not in my current season, but I believe she is part of my future—my eternity.

Until that day, I’ll keep living, loving, remembering, and carrying forward her legacy of faith, hope, love, creativity, adventure, whimsy and joy.

Grief has most certainly changed the way I live, but it will NEVER change the reason I live.
“For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”
You don’t have to understand the loss, pain or suffering to trust Him in it.
Day 365 of Mourning
I wanted to come on here in video form and share an update on how I’m doing on this one-year milestone of separation from Janae—but after 20 minutes of recording, I realized the video didn’t save. LOL. 😩

Did you know you can acknowledge a painful reality without dwelling on it or overindulging in it?
That’s what I’m choosing to do.
Not dismiss it.
Not minimize it.
Not pretend it didn’t happen.
Not forget.
Not dwell on it.

Today, I’m choosing to acknowledge life as it is—not as I wish it were—while also choosing to live fully in the present, in the here and now, with those who are here with me now.

So here’s the Cliff Notes version of what I tried to record for y’all:This past year has taught me that life will not always ascend.
There will be valleys—loss, disappointment, sickness, and pain.
I’ve heard it said that our suffering is often intensified by our expectation that life should be free from suffering. We become disillusioned, believing pain will never show up on our doorstep.
But we are not exempt from pain, trouble, or suffering.
And while I wouldn’t have chosen this valley, I’m learning that God doesn’t waste our suffering.
It’s not for nothing.
He can use it to deepen our faith, loosen our grip on our illusion of control, and draw us closer to Him.

I don’t have to understand why something painful happened to trust that God is still good.
He may not always rescue us from the fire, but He promises to be with us in it—and to work all things together for our good.
So today, and every day, I’m choosing to live—not just exist.
Not because time has healed my wounds.
But because I still have Jesus.
He is my source of joy.
My strength.
My hope.
And I choose Jesus over everything.
Janae is not in my current season, but I believe she is part of my future—my eternity.

Until that day, I’ll keep living, loving, remembering, and carrying forward her legacy of faith, hope, love, creativity, adventure, whimsy and joy.

Grief has most certainly changed the way I live, but it will NEVER change the reason I live.
“For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”
You don’t have to understand the loss, pain or suffering to trust Him in it.
Day 365 of Mourning
I wanted to come on here in video form and share an update on how I’m doing on this one-year milestone of separation from Janae—but after 20 minutes of recording, I realized the video didn’t save. LOL. 😩

Did you know you can acknowledge a painful reality without dwelling on it or overindulging in it?
That’s what I’m choosing to do.
Not dismiss it.
Not minimize it.
Not pretend it didn’t happen.
Not forget.
Not dwell on it.

Today, I’m choosing to acknowledge life as it is—not as I wish it were—while also choosing to live fully in the present, in the here and now, with those who are here with me now.

So here’s the Cliff Notes version of what I tried to record for y’all:This past year has taught me that life will not always ascend.
There will be valleys—loss, disappointment, sickness, and pain.
I’ve heard it said that our suffering is often intensified by our expectation that life should be free from suffering. We become disillusioned, believing pain will never show up on our doorstep.
But we are not exempt from pain, trouble, or suffering.
And while I wouldn’t have chosen this valley, I’m learning that God doesn’t waste our suffering.
It’s not for nothing.
He can use it to deepen our faith, loosen our grip on our illusion of control, and draw us closer to Him.

I don’t have to understand why something painful happened to trust that God is still good.
He may not always rescue us from the fire, but He promises to be with us in it—and to work all things together for our good.
So today, and every day, I’m choosing to live—not just exist.
Not because time has healed my wounds.
But because I still have Jesus.
He is my source of joy.
My strength.
My hope.
And I choose Jesus over everything.
Janae is not in my current season, but I believe she is part of my future—my eternity.

Until that day, I’ll keep living, loving, remembering, and carrying forward her legacy of faith, hope, love, creativity, adventure, whimsy and joy.

Grief has most certainly changed the way I live, but it will NEVER change the reason I live.
“For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”
You don’t have to understand the loss, pain or suffering to trust Him in it.
•
Follow
Day 365 of Mourning I wanted to come on here in video form and share an update on how I’m doing on this one-year milestone of separation from Janae—but after 20 minutes of recording, I realized the video didn’t save. LOL. 😩 Did you know you can acknowledge a painful reality without dwelling on it or overindulging in it? That’s what I’m choosing to do. Not dismiss it. Not minimize it. Not pretend it didn’t happen. Not forget. Not dwell on it. Today, I’m choosing to acknowledge life as it is—not as I wish it were—while also choosing to live fully in the present, in the here and now, with those who are here with me now. So here’s the Cliff Notes version of what I tried to record for y’all:This past year has taught me that life will not always ascend. There will be valleys—loss, disappointment, sickness, and pain. I’ve heard it said that our suffering is often intensified by our expectation that life should be free from suffering. We become disillusioned, believing pain will never show up on our doorstep. But we are not exempt from pain, trouble, or suffering. And while I wouldn’t have chosen this valley, I’m learning that God doesn’t waste our suffering. It’s not for nothing. He can use it to deepen our faith, loosen our grip on our illusion of control, and draw us closer to Him. I don’t have to understand why something painful happened to trust that God is still good. He may not always rescue us from the fire, but He promises to be with us in it—and to work all things together for our good. So today, and every day, I’m choosing to live—not just exist. Not because time has healed my wounds. But because I still have Jesus. He is my source of joy. My strength. My hope. And I choose Jesus over everything. Janae is not in my current season, but I believe she is part of my future—my eternity. Until that day, I’ll keep living, loving, remembering, and carrying forward her legacy of faith, hope, love, creativity, adventure, whimsy and joy. Grief has most certainly changed the way I live, but it will NEVER change the reason I live. “For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” You don’t have to understand the loss, pain or suffering to trust Him in it.
3 weeks ago
View on Instagram |
3/4
🎊Happy Heavenly Birthday @colouremedy .🎊
Today you would’ve turned 28 …..

Your birthday will never look the same because you’re no longer with us but we will always remember your life, love and legacy. And that’s what today was about. 
Remembering all the love, joy and beauty that remains. 
Remembering how we have been inspired and impacted by you. 

I can only imagine what you’re creating in heaven for God’s glory. And one day, I won’t have to imagine because I’ll get to see it with my own eyes. 

To us the words of Anne Frank:
“I don’t think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains.” 

Thank you to my community:  @Adilia, Scotti, Lynn and Ms. Blessing for being wind under my wings by helping today’s remembrance be so special. 

I’ve heard it said that “community is the fruit born through shared brokenness, and intimacy is the fruit that grows through touching one another’s wounds.” 

Thank you for being a part of my community and for sharing in our brokenness during our darkest days and nights; and
thank you for continually praying for us to endure, for giving your time to us today, and for helping us remember and celebrate all the beauty and love that remains because Janae was here. 🎊
🎊Happy Heavenly Birthday @colouremedy .🎊
Today you would’ve turned 28 …..

Your birthday will never look the same because you’re no longer with us but we will always remember your life, love and legacy. And that’s what today was about. 
Remembering all the love, joy and beauty that remains. 
Remembering how we have been inspired and impacted by you. 

I can only imagine what you’re creating in heaven for God’s glory. And one day, I won’t have to imagine because I’ll get to see it with my own eyes. 

To us the words of Anne Frank:
“I don’t think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains.” 

Thank you to my community:  @Adilia, Scotti, Lynn and Ms. Blessing for being wind under my wings by helping today’s remembrance be so special. 

I’ve heard it said that “community is the fruit born through shared brokenness, and intimacy is the fruit that grows through touching one another’s wounds.” 

Thank you for being a part of my community and for sharing in our brokenness during our darkest days and nights; and
thank you for continually praying for us to endure, for giving your time to us today, and for helping us remember and celebrate all the beauty and love that remains because Janae was here. 🎊
🎊Happy Heavenly Birthday @colouremedy .🎊
Today you would’ve turned 28 …..

Your birthday will never look the same because you’re no longer with us but we will always remember your life, love and legacy. And that’s what today was about. 
Remembering all the love, joy and beauty that remains. 
Remembering how we have been inspired and impacted by you. 

I can only imagine what you’re creating in heaven for God’s glory. And one day, I won’t have to imagine because I’ll get to see it with my own eyes. 

To us the words of Anne Frank:
“I don’t think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains.” 

Thank you to my community:  @Adilia, Scotti, Lynn and Ms. Blessing for being wind under my wings by helping today’s remembrance be so special. 

I’ve heard it said that “community is the fruit born through shared brokenness, and intimacy is the fruit that grows through touching one another’s wounds.” 

Thank you for being a part of my community and for sharing in our brokenness during our darkest days and nights; and
thank you for continually praying for us to endure, for giving your time to us today, and for helping us remember and celebrate all the beauty and love that remains because Janae was here. 🎊
🎊Happy Heavenly Birthday @colouremedy .🎊
Today you would’ve turned 28 …..

Your birthday will never look the same because you’re no longer with us but we will always remember your life, love and legacy. And that’s what today was about. 
Remembering all the love, joy and beauty that remains. 
Remembering how we have been inspired and impacted by you. 

I can only imagine what you’re creating in heaven for God’s glory. And one day, I won’t have to imagine because I’ll get to see it with my own eyes. 

To us the words of Anne Frank:
“I don’t think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains.” 

Thank you to my community:  @Adilia, Scotti, Lynn and Ms. Blessing for being wind under my wings by helping today’s remembrance be so special. 

I’ve heard it said that “community is the fruit born through shared brokenness, and intimacy is the fruit that grows through touching one another’s wounds.” 

Thank you for being a part of my community and for sharing in our brokenness during our darkest days and nights; and
thank you for continually praying for us to endure, for giving your time to us today, and for helping us remember and celebrate all the beauty and love that remains because Janae was here. 🎊
🎊Happy Heavenly Birthday @colouremedy .🎊
Today you would’ve turned 28 …..

Your birthday will never look the same because you’re no longer with us but we will always remember your life, love and legacy. And that’s what today was about. 
Remembering all the love, joy and beauty that remains. 
Remembering how we have been inspired and impacted by you. 

I can only imagine what you’re creating in heaven for God’s glory. And one day, I won’t have to imagine because I’ll get to see it with my own eyes. 

To us the words of Anne Frank:
“I don’t think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains.” 

Thank you to my community:  @Adilia, Scotti, Lynn and Ms. Blessing for being wind under my wings by helping today’s remembrance be so special. 

I’ve heard it said that “community is the fruit born through shared brokenness, and intimacy is the fruit that grows through touching one another’s wounds.” 

Thank you for being a part of my community and for sharing in our brokenness during our darkest days and nights; and
thank you for continually praying for us to endure, for giving your time to us today, and for helping us remember and celebrate all the beauty and love that remains because Janae was here. 🎊
🎊Happy Heavenly Birthday @colouremedy .🎊
Today you would’ve turned 28 …..

Your birthday will never look the same because you’re no longer with us but we will always remember your life, love and legacy. And that’s what today was about. 
Remembering all the love, joy and beauty that remains. 
Remembering how we have been inspired and impacted by you. 

I can only imagine what you’re creating in heaven for God’s glory. And one day, I won’t have to imagine because I’ll get to see it with my own eyes. 

To us the words of Anne Frank:
“I don’t think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains.” 

Thank you to my community:  @Adilia, Scotti, Lynn and Ms. Blessing for being wind under my wings by helping today’s remembrance be so special. 

I’ve heard it said that “community is the fruit born through shared brokenness, and intimacy is the fruit that grows through touching one another’s wounds.” 

Thank you for being a part of my community and for sharing in our brokenness during our darkest days and nights; and
thank you for continually praying for us to endure, for giving your time to us today, and for helping us remember and celebrate all the beauty and love that remains because Janae was here. 🎊
🎊Happy Heavenly Birthday @colouremedy .🎊
Today you would’ve turned 28 …..

Your birthday will never look the same because you’re no longer with us but we will always remember your life, love and legacy. And that’s what today was about. 
Remembering all the love, joy and beauty that remains. 
Remembering how we have been inspired and impacted by you. 

I can only imagine what you’re creating in heaven for God’s glory. And one day, I won’t have to imagine because I’ll get to see it with my own eyes. 

To us the words of Anne Frank:
“I don’t think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains.” 

Thank you to my community:  @Adilia, Scotti, Lynn and Ms. Blessing for being wind under my wings by helping today’s remembrance be so special. 

I’ve heard it said that “community is the fruit born through shared brokenness, and intimacy is the fruit that grows through touching one another’s wounds.” 

Thank you for being a part of my community and for sharing in our brokenness during our darkest days and nights; and
thank you for continually praying for us to endure, for giving your time to us today, and for helping us remember and celebrate all the beauty and love that remains because Janae was here. 🎊
🎊Happy Heavenly Birthday @colouremedy .🎊
Today you would’ve turned 28 …..

Your birthday will never look the same because you’re no longer with us but we will always remember your life, love and legacy. And that’s what today was about. 
Remembering all the love, joy and beauty that remains. 
Remembering how we have been inspired and impacted by you. 

I can only imagine what you’re creating in heaven for God’s glory. And one day, I won’t have to imagine because I’ll get to see it with my own eyes. 

To us the words of Anne Frank:
“I don’t think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains.” 

Thank you to my community:  @Adilia, Scotti, Lynn and Ms. Blessing for being wind under my wings by helping today’s remembrance be so special. 

I’ve heard it said that “community is the fruit born through shared brokenness, and intimacy is the fruit that grows through touching one another’s wounds.” 

Thank you for being a part of my community and for sharing in our brokenness during our darkest days and nights; and
thank you for continually praying for us to endure, for giving your time to us today, and for helping us remember and celebrate all the beauty and love that remains because Janae was here. 🎊
🎊Happy Heavenly Birthday @colouremedy .🎊
Today you would’ve turned 28 …..

Your birthday will never look the same because you’re no longer with us but we will always remember your life, love and legacy. And that’s what today was about. 
Remembering all the love, joy and beauty that remains. 
Remembering how we have been inspired and impacted by you. 

I can only imagine what you’re creating in heaven for God’s glory. And one day, I won’t have to imagine because I’ll get to see it with my own eyes. 

To us the words of Anne Frank:
“I don’t think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains.” 

Thank you to my community:  @Adilia, Scotti, Lynn and Ms. Blessing for being wind under my wings by helping today’s remembrance be so special. 

I’ve heard it said that “community is the fruit born through shared brokenness, and intimacy is the fruit that grows through touching one another’s wounds.” 

Thank you for being a part of my community and for sharing in our brokenness during our darkest days and nights; and
thank you for continually praying for us to endure, for giving your time to us today, and for helping us remember and celebrate all the beauty and love that remains because Janae was here. 🎊
🎊Happy Heavenly Birthday @colouremedy .🎊
Today you would’ve turned 28 …..

Your birthday will never look the same because you’re no longer with us but we will always remember your life, love and legacy. And that’s what today was about. 
Remembering all the love, joy and beauty that remains. 
Remembering how we have been inspired and impacted by you. 

I can only imagine what you’re creating in heaven for God’s glory. And one day, I won’t have to imagine because I’ll get to see it with my own eyes. 

To us the words of Anne Frank:
“I don’t think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains.” 

Thank you to my community:  @Adilia, Scotti, Lynn and Ms. Blessing for being wind under my wings by helping today’s remembrance be so special. 

I’ve heard it said that “community is the fruit born through shared brokenness, and intimacy is the fruit that grows through touching one another’s wounds.” 

Thank you for being a part of my community and for sharing in our brokenness during our darkest days and nights; and
thank you for continually praying for us to endure, for giving your time to us today, and for helping us remember and celebrate all the beauty and love that remains because Janae was here. 🎊
🎊Happy Heavenly Birthday @colouremedy .🎊
Today you would’ve turned 28 …..

Your birthday will never look the same because you’re no longer with us but we will always remember your life, love and legacy. And that’s what today was about. 
Remembering all the love, joy and beauty that remains. 
Remembering how we have been inspired and impacted by you. 

I can only imagine what you’re creating in heaven for God’s glory. And one day, I won’t have to imagine because I’ll get to see it with my own eyes. 

To us the words of Anne Frank:
“I don’t think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains.” 

Thank you to my community:  @Adilia, Scotti, Lynn and Ms. Blessing for being wind under my wings by helping today’s remembrance be so special. 

I’ve heard it said that “community is the fruit born through shared brokenness, and intimacy is the fruit that grows through touching one another’s wounds.” 

Thank you for being a part of my community and for sharing in our brokenness during our darkest days and nights; and
thank you for continually praying for us to endure, for giving your time to us today, and for helping us remember and celebrate all the beauty and love that remains because Janae was here. 🎊
🎊Happy Heavenly Birthday @colouremedy .🎊
Today you would’ve turned 28 …..

Your birthday will never look the same because you’re no longer with us but we will always remember your life, love and legacy. And that’s what today was about. 
Remembering all the love, joy and beauty that remains. 
Remembering how we have been inspired and impacted by you. 

I can only imagine what you’re creating in heaven for God’s glory. And one day, I won’t have to imagine because I’ll get to see it with my own eyes. 

To us the words of Anne Frank:
“I don’t think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains.” 

Thank you to my community:  @Adilia, Scotti, Lynn and Ms. Blessing for being wind under my wings by helping today’s remembrance be so special. 

I’ve heard it said that “community is the fruit born through shared brokenness, and intimacy is the fruit that grows through touching one another’s wounds.” 

Thank you for being a part of my community and for sharing in our brokenness during our darkest days and nights; and
thank you for continually praying for us to endure, for giving your time to us today, and for helping us remember and celebrate all the beauty and love that remains because Janae was here. 🎊
🎊Happy Heavenly Birthday @colouremedy .🎊
Today you would’ve turned 28 …..

Your birthday will never look the same because you’re no longer with us but we will always remember your life, love and legacy. And that’s what today was about. 
Remembering all the love, joy and beauty that remains. 
Remembering how we have been inspired and impacted by you. 

I can only imagine what you’re creating in heaven for God’s glory. And one day, I won’t have to imagine because I’ll get to see it with my own eyes. 

To us the words of Anne Frank:
“I don’t think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains.” 

Thank you to my community:  @Adilia, Scotti, Lynn and Ms. Blessing for being wind under my wings by helping today’s remembrance be so special. 

I’ve heard it said that “community is the fruit born through shared brokenness, and intimacy is the fruit that grows through touching one another’s wounds.” 

Thank you for being a part of my community and for sharing in our brokenness during our darkest days and nights; and
thank you for continually praying for us to endure, for giving your time to us today, and for helping us remember and celebrate all the beauty and love that remains because Janae was here. 🎊
🎊Happy Heavenly Birthday @colouremedy .🎊
Today you would’ve turned 28 …..

Your birthday will never look the same because you’re no longer with us but we will always remember your life, love and legacy. And that’s what today was about. 
Remembering all the love, joy and beauty that remains. 
Remembering how we have been inspired and impacted by you. 

I can only imagine what you’re creating in heaven for God’s glory. And one day, I won’t have to imagine because I’ll get to see it with my own eyes. 

To us the words of Anne Frank:
“I don’t think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains.” 

Thank you to my community:  @Adilia, Scotti, Lynn and Ms. Blessing for being wind under my wings by helping today’s remembrance be so special. 

I’ve heard it said that “community is the fruit born through shared brokenness, and intimacy is the fruit that grows through touching one another’s wounds.” 

Thank you for being a part of my community and for sharing in our brokenness during our darkest days and nights; and
thank you for continually praying for us to endure, for giving your time to us today, and for helping us remember and celebrate all the beauty and love that remains because Janae was here. 🎊
🎊Happy Heavenly Birthday @colouremedy .🎊
Today you would’ve turned 28 …..

Your birthday will never look the same because you’re no longer with us but we will always remember your life, love and legacy. And that’s what today was about. 
Remembering all the love, joy and beauty that remains. 
Remembering how we have been inspired and impacted by you. 

I can only imagine what you’re creating in heaven for God’s glory. And one day, I won’t have to imagine because I’ll get to see it with my own eyes. 

To us the words of Anne Frank:
“I don’t think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains.” 

Thank you to my community:  @Adilia, Scotti, Lynn and Ms. Blessing for being wind under my wings by helping today’s remembrance be so special. 

I’ve heard it said that “community is the fruit born through shared brokenness, and intimacy is the fruit that grows through touching one another’s wounds.” 

Thank you for being a part of my community and for sharing in our brokenness during our darkest days and nights; and
thank you for continually praying for us to endure, for giving your time to us today, and for helping us remember and celebrate all the beauty and love that remains because Janae was here. 🎊
🎊Happy Heavenly Birthday @colouremedy .🎊
Today you would’ve turned 28 …..

Your birthday will never look the same because you’re no longer with us but we will always remember your life, love and legacy. And that’s what today was about. 
Remembering all the love, joy and beauty that remains. 
Remembering how we have been inspired and impacted by you. 

I can only imagine what you’re creating in heaven for God’s glory. And one day, I won’t have to imagine because I’ll get to see it with my own eyes. 

To us the words of Anne Frank:
“I don’t think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains.” 

Thank you to my community:  @Adilia, Scotti, Lynn and Ms. Blessing for being wind under my wings by helping today’s remembrance be so special. 

I’ve heard it said that “community is the fruit born through shared brokenness, and intimacy is the fruit that grows through touching one another’s wounds.” 

Thank you for being a part of my community and for sharing in our brokenness during our darkest days and nights; and
thank you for continually praying for us to endure, for giving your time to us today, and for helping us remember and celebrate all the beauty and love that remains because Janae was here. 🎊
•
Follow
🎊Happy Heavenly Birthday @colouremedy .🎊 Today you would’ve turned 28 ….. Your birthday will never look the same because you’re no longer with us but we will always remember your life, love and legacy. And that’s what today was about. Remembering all the love, joy and beauty that remains. Remembering how we have been inspired and impacted by you. I can only imagine what you’re creating in heaven for God’s glory. And one day, I won’t have to imagine because I’ll get to see it with my own eyes. To us the words of Anne Frank: “I don’t think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains.” Thank you to my community: @Adilia, Scotti, Lynn and Ms. Blessing for being wind under my wings by helping today’s remembrance be so special. I’ve heard it said that “community is the fruit born through shared brokenness, and intimacy is the fruit that grows through touching one another’s wounds.” Thank you for being a part of my community and for sharing in our brokenness during our darkest days and nights; and thank you for continually praying for us to endure, for giving your time to us today, and for helping us remember and celebrate all the beauty and love that remains because Janae was here. 🎊
4 weeks ago
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