Valentine’s Day Loneliness Got You down?
In 2020 we have this false notion that we should just BE. Like…voila, I am. Voila, I am a college graduate. Voila, I am married. Voila, I have a healthy and loving relationship with myself. But, that’s not how life works. Especially when it comes to love, even loving ourselves.
I’ve to come to understand that the love I have for myself is directly related to the relationship I have with myself. Think about it, love is not a feeling, it’s a choice. In every other relationship, we understand and implement that truth. So why is that not how we approach self-love?
Loving ourselves can be as easy as loving our closest friend. However, the difference between those two relationships is the incomparable intimacy we have with ourselves. We will never know someone more than we know ourselves. I believe that is what makes loving ourselves challenging. Only we know what we have seen, done, and thought. We know our darkest secret and we believe it disqualifies us and renders us unlovable.
I can’t tell you how to love you
If you are anything like me, you probably want some practical ways to love yourself. A list, maybe the top 5 ways to start on your journey of self-love. While that makes for a captivating blog title, it doesn’t make for lasting change.
You see, I can’t tell you how to love you. My doing so is as ineffective as my telling a mother of 3 children how to love her eldest child when she is seeking how to love her youngest. No two children receive love in the same way. So, how I love myself may look different from how you love yourself.
While the expressions of love look different, the catalyst is the same. Loving yourself doesn’t start with a checklist, it starts with understanding how the creator of the Universe loves you. Loving yourself begins with knowing God, who is love. You cannot know love outside of Him. Oh, my friend, how He wants to show off just how wonderfully He made you. I pray that you let Him.
Loved by God
I know you FEEL unlovable. And, yes, our feelings are valid. However, this is what I know to be the truth, “… that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38-39).
The only entity that could actually say you are unworthy of love doesn’t. NOTHING separates you from the love of God. N-O-T-H-I-N-G! And that is where self-love starts. With recognizing that God knows more about you than you know about yourself and He says you are worthy of love.
Give Yourself Grace
It’s ok if you feel unlovable. Allow yourself to feel, but do not allow your feelings to decide. Have grace for your process. Some days will be harder to love yourself, in the same way, some days are harder to love a friend. This is a relationship; it ebbs and flows. It is a lifelong journey, something you will always be growing in. All I ask is that you take the risk, and while doing so “being confident in this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:6).