Why is asking for help so hard?

What’s the bravest thing you’ve ever done? Go sky-diving or mountain climbing? How about stand up to a ‘mean’ girl or bully, your boss or an abuser? Or maybe you braved up by speaking up in at a meeting on a policy or practice that didn’t seem right. Maybe you simply decided to start speaking up about your true thoughts and feelings.  For many of us, the bravest thing we’ve can ever do is ask for help.

 

It takes courage and vulnerability to reach out to others and make our needs and requests known. For some of us, asking for help is extremely hard to do because we want to be perceived as strong, competent, capable, and in control. You know, because we want others to perceive us a having it all together. SMH.

 

As a very independent and self-sufficient woman, I’ve found myself struggling to ask for help from others PLENTY of times. I reasoned I didn’t want to ‘bother’ or burden others with my challenges and needs and so I chose to remain silent. Most times, I would try to do it all and when I couldn’t handle it all anymore, irritability, criticism, and contempt would spill over and onto my loved ones. However, I’m sure that’s never happened to you before. Right?

 

But over the years, I’ve learned to get better at asking for the help I needed. I’ve realized that I am better when I’m walking together in community with others. Whether the help I needed was in the form of packing up boxes to move across the county, babysit one of my kids for a much-needed date night or help me solve a problem or challenge, I had a circle of trusted friends I could call on for help. And although I haven’t fully arrived in always asking for help, I am definitely more aware of when I’ve hit my limit and ask for help accordingly.

Over the course of my personal and professional life, I’ve discovered that asking for help GREATLY contributes to my mental health and emotional well-being. But if you’re anything like me, asking for help from others is easier said than done. So many of us as working women, wives and mothers, we find ourselves first attending to the needs of everyone around us that we forget to stop and take inventory of how we are doing and what we need. Because everyone is counting on us, we fail to take care of us. I love the following picture because it says so much.

Today I want to remind you that you are not superwoman (or superman). Yes you are strong, competent and capable of doing a lot of things. But you are not capable of doing EVERYTHING. Nor are you capable of taking care of everyone. You need help. And help is all around you. You just need to brave up and ask for it.

 

Forgot about what people may think or say. Your mental health, wellbeing, and longevity are what really matters. It’s time to stop rescuing everyone. It’s time to stop fixing everything. And it’s time for you to stop trying to be all things to all people. Now is the time for you to brave up and ask for the help you need to succeed. And please. Get rid of the idea that you need to fake it to make it. Because faking it can lead to breaking it. A broken heart and a broken spirit that is. You are indeed meant to make it–but with help.

Check out this article on 10 ways to rise up, speak up and stand up.

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